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Will the sun finally be shining for the Peaky Blinders?

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We’re in the middle of the bank holiday and the weather is gorgeous! I managed to get myself to the beach in Bournemouth but apart from the sun, sand and (cold) sea I’ve got something else on my mind! The new series of Peaky Blinders starts tonight leaves me extremely excited to know how Tommy will lead his constituency and how the series will take a political turn. Usually associated with colder months I’m found curled up on the sofa with a blanket so I can hide at the grotesque happenings in Peaky town. But today I’ll be sweating alongside the Shelby family household as they make life changing decisions. But maybe there’ll be some sun in Brummie tonight.

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Many a conversations with female friends have left me feeling like the outsider when sharing my enthusiasm for gang themed films. Having only appreciated a rom com for my guilty pleasure I’ve often turned to films depicting three dimensional male (often white) leads getting themselves out of very sticky situations. It could be argued these types of films offer viewers their need for artistic vigor when it comes to story, delicately captured intensity and cinematography. More so than any vampire falling in love with a mortal could.

Maybe I leaned towards films, which portray violence because I wanted to be like my older sibling who often went to Karate classes, over indulged in Manga and Gangster films.

With a more nuanced understanding of Film, TV and theatre since immersing myself in the creative industry, I’m always looking for the underlying message. As much as I’m wired to enjoy a well structured story, male violence and aggression should have a purpose. Mere titillation factor and shock value simply aren’t reason enough for driving the story forward.

‘Toxic masculinity’ has become part of our vocabulary in recent years when understanding male aggression, violence and PTSD. The Peaky Blinders set to exploit the economic turn of the country to lift themselves out of poverty. Many of the characters ‘have fought in the first world war and deal with their post-trenches PTSD in one of three ways: fighting, paying for sex or drinking. Many have argued that such writing (like Peaky Blinders) has led some academics to claim ‘it uses psychological trauma as a way to justify the glorification of some elements of British lad culture and even nationalism.’

Peaky Blinders does a great job at depicting the ultimate consequences for violence. Tommy has a psychological breakdowns, loses all his profits, some family members and the love of his life which makes it quite clear that choosing the bad path leads to devastating affects.

With domestic abuse, gang violence and crime at an all time high, is there a potential call to action for TV and Film producers (including the likes of Cillian Murphy – who plays Thomas Shelby) to take more responsibility of what’s happening in society? And if so what would that call to action be? Story lines that depict behaviour as a result of PTSD and socio-economics are surely already doing their bit. But why does that not feel like enough especially with such a popular show? If they can have the potential to change society, then why not?

We all know the likes of shows like Peaky Blinders are not completely real and even real life stories that have been renacted are considerably filtered for viewing purposes by camera angles, shots and the cast. Many actors often find themselves far removed from the characters they play. So what’s the point of a dramatic TV series other than to fulfill our need to be shocked and entertained? Should we be calling for the shows producers to take responsibility when it comes to creating awareness when they themselves don’t agree with the grand actions of their characters?

The opportunity to embody such characters’ is simply a dream to play, myself included. Is it that art imitates life or does life imitate art? Either way I hope the new series brings politically challenging urgency to reflect current contemporary issues. And if it does perhaps artists are changing society, more than they think.

Series 5 starts 25th August at 9pm.

Is International Women’s Day a day for opportunists?

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As an Asian person who grew up in a predominantly white area I’d often look twice at another person of the same skin colour as me. But gone are the days of trying to hide your jaw dropping stare whilst thinking you’re the only Asian family in the UK at the sight of another minority. We are now one of the most multi-cultural places in the world which means a new norm that has been redefined by the international presence.

As a first generation British born Pakistani, my experience of the homeland is limited. My Mum’s everyday presence – a woman born and brought up in Pakistan with very different understandings of the world – has certainly contributed significantly but having gone to school here, University, had relationships and friends here means that only a small part of the international tradition frames my outlook. So my Mum and I decided to venture into the heart of multiculturalism – Alum Rock Road in Birmingham – to celebrate our roots and international culture (and to…buy curtains because you won’t get material like that for that price anywhere else! Ok, and to ‘accidentally’ purchase a handful of jewellery too – your purse just falls open at the sight of all the sets).

And I couldn’t help but feel British when I was there. Maybe it was hearing Dizzee Rascal blazing out from inside a car, the desperate need to get a cup of tea or the fact that I was walking on a high street – something I haven’t done in a long time due to their decline in Britain.

So there’s no question, the international presence has reshaped British culture, for me at least. There are still the few I know who live in a (chosen) form of ignorance when it comes to multiculturalism. Learning about a culture that’s of no interest unless it’s to do with food is just too much…effort? Or maybe the rate of change experienced is too fast. Whatever it may be I know that on the other side of the coin there seems to be a constant curiosity about being white! There’s a common desire in most British Asian households to adopt all the positive aspects of a westernised lifestyle; speaking the language, economising, minimalist (non gold) interior design but definitely not the food…or sex before marriage!

But it goes beyond that for some. Asians I know have also voted to leave the EU in the referendum, choosing to keep the place they moved to the same as it was when they first arrived to the country. So what does it mean now to really be international and do those who are…self identify as one? I don’t know the answer but it’s a conversation I’d like to have.

Can’t resist a good cup of tea

Every year I notice more and more ‘non international’ women use the day as an opportunity to talk about equality, feminism and women’s rights but just from the white perspective. I’ll be the first to raise my hand at wanting to attend a tea party at a fancy British hotel to nibble on scones, which might be part of the problem.

The same experiences of patriarchy do not effect women of colour in the same way – something I learnt much later on in my life. So to truly celebrate shouldn’t we be making that so called effort to remove a chosen ignorance when it comes to multiculturalism. Shouldn’t it be an opportunity to ask important questions, maybe to ourselves to truly begin to understand the international element of the day? Questions like:

Where ever a woman may be from, I’m happy to hear her story, but isn’t it the very reason we’ve dedicated a day to International women, because there’s been a recognition in the lack of representation in an ever-growing multicultural country? The lack of international presence at many events in established shops, venues and hotels in London of all places has left me slightly astounded.

In my experience, as a Brit learning about my parents’ and other migrants’ experiences, I’ve learnt that it varies for both men and women. (Truly) international women are more likely to have come from extreme Patriarchal societies, where very traditional roles are adopted and played out in family settings. My own mother and many women in my own family come from oppression. But there is so much more to learn about those cultures than just the negatives we see and…food!

‘Stop complaining’ I can (potentially) hear my Mum saying when asking these (liberatingly privileged) questions. The very things I complain about she celebrates. She sees so many Brits support the cultural work I present, she sees a country welcoming Asylum Seekers to reside in their country and earn a living, she sees me being an artist. (First world problems as we know it).

But in my defence these (first world problem) questions are the root to a much bigger issues that require constant conversation. Of course there are negatives and positives for every culture. But if one is celebrating the day, there needs to be a real celebration of diversity – the clue’s in the title.

Fall in love with the most important person of all, this Valentines

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The week leading up to Valentines, the day itself and even the month can be troublesome. Are we waiting for our loved ones to come up with a spectacular plan, will they give? Or, if you’re single, finding another similar singleton to join you on your celebration of singlehood – whether that be on the couch watching countless episodes of something very unromantic or joining you for dinner in solidarity, so that you’re not eating alone.

But, as most of us probably know, this day (and other holidays like Christmas and New Years – from experience) can be lonesome. Which is why it’s important to fall in love with the most important person of all…

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As one of the only Asian females in my Primary and Secondary school I found it difficult to fit in. Although I was into the performing arts, at home it wasn’t the norm for a Pakistani Muslim girl to want to become a performer let alone actually become one. My parents would encourage me to follow academic subjects and constantly remind me how competitive the creative industry is. (Something I still get reminded of regularly when I tell people what I do.) My Dad sat me down when I was about 12 and said:

‘You’re a girl Subika, but not only that; you’re a girl who is Pakistani and not only that; you’re a Pakistani girl who is Muslim! You will have it tough in this world. People will talk down to you. You need to work harder than every single white person out there. So what are you going to do that’s great?’

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So of course I decided to study Law at the University of Greenwich! I wanted to make my parents (more so my Dad) proud. One teacher reaffirmed the above again to me during a law lectures. He said that women will have it harder to get ahead in Law and if you’re a woman who is also of colour, then you have a very slim chance of making it in this sector at all! (Something to that affect!)

I hated every minute of studying Law I couldn’t even imagine practising it. I began hating who I was turning in to. Immersing myself into an industry I had no connection with or liked meant that I was miserable. Looking back I was extremely privileged to have this problem but at the time I remember feeling trapped and like there was no way out. It shaped who I became.

As a non traditional British Asian I also felt disconnected from most of the London based peers I was now finding myself surrounded by. I was from a a town, who really hadn’t grasped the multiculturalism thing in their communities. I’d find the conversations exhilirating, exciting and felt a sense of belonging to begin with but when it came to my career choice and the things I wanted to do…I was alone.

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Ok so I know I sound very ‘first world problems’ here, so time for a mini disclaimer. I was always fully aware of other young Pakistani girls with very restrictive parents, who were forced to be people they really weren’t. I was very fortunate to have a forward thinking family and still am. I was part of the privileged few who was supported with my decisions even though I was constantly being reminded of what my parents went through when they arrived in this country and that at least I didn’t have to worry about putting food on the table. (Asian peeps – you know what I’m talking!)

So after two years at The University of Greenwich I decided to change my course and place of study. Mainly because of what I was studying but I was slowly distancing myself away from those with a similar background to me. I no longer was feeling a sense of acceptance. I was the odd one out because I wanted a creative career and that’s just not ‘done’ in Asian communities.

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I ended up studying Creative Writing in a very white city, surrounded by predominantly white students. And, shamelessly, I felt…comfortable again. My experiences with people from my own background made me hate the culture and…myself. I found myself taking part in very ‘westernised’ activities, not realising that subconsciously, by doing so, I was distancing more and more away from my roots. I myself was quick to point the finger, blaming cultural traditions for all my negative surroundings, because I had that advantage of being from an ethnically diverse background that I thought I had the right to hate myself for being from this background and them!

At the same time however I was relieved to be studying something I was finally good at. But going on the completely other side of the ethnically diverse spectrum left me…yearning for what was normal for me.

After I graduated I began watching shows that celebrated the Asian experience. And I even saw ONE that commented upon the British Asian experience. I wasn’t alone! I saw myself. Finally…I had an identity that I didn’t realise and had been searching for, for years and…it made me fall in love with the most important person of all (you’ve guessed it)…myself.

As obvious that may have been I began celebrating those very things that I thought were holding me back and became so proud to be from where I was. I had the privilege of knowing more than one language, more than one culture and now experiencing more than one University! I began finding as many flaws as possible to fuel my creative fire, create work and approach organisations.

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But in order to fall completely in love with ourselves there are a lot of old wounds buried deep inside that are important to resurface because they may still have a hold of the negative beliefs we have about the world but more importantly….about ourselves.

In order to truly heal and forgive my self for the hate of others and myself, I needed a visceral experience so, very recently, I decided to visit my old (first) University. The University I chose abruptly on the brink of making a quick decision about my future. The University that made me really look at my culture from a much more eastern traditional perspective and the University that told me I would struggle and didn’t belong.

Even though the last statement was true – because I never made it as a Lawyer – I became thankful for all of it. Ok so as painful as it really WASN’T to walk around one of the most beautiful locations in London, it was painful to go deep into the past to unlock memories that caused me to doubt who I was, when I walked past my old lecture hall and seminar classrooms. In that process of unlocking pain we can unlock, grieve and most amazingly fall in love with ourselves and begin to really treat ourselves and not feel guilty for putting our own needs first.

So now I can use the very things that were previously holding me back to fuel my artistry, understand people on an individual basis and draw upon those experiences about being in the middle because I have now grieved them and because of that, love them.

I’m grateful to my parents and all the experiences (that were negative at the time) for encouraging me to do something that just wasn’t me because it wouldn’t make me as motivated and as in love with myself as I am now. I’m also grateful that it’s a tough industry because it pushes me to be the greatest artist I can be. So go on…fall in love with you and your flaws so that you can truly give to yourself.

Feeling festive and fortunate

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I’ve learnt a lot this year and like most people I use this time of year to reflect and plan ahead. As we approach Christmas it always makes me feel of those less fortunate. I’ll try to make this post as less cringe as possible because I’m also aware that there are some people who don’t enjoy Christmas at all (I used to be one of them myself). I mean we all know how commercial it’s become which can make us all feel like we have to spend above and beyond our means to make others happy. The adverts of a busy household, on the big day, can also create feelings of incredible loneliness. As a Muslim I’ve rarely celebrated Christmas. One year my Mum and brother decided to go to Pakistan for the holidays and so it was just me and my Dad for 3 weeks. He had no clue how to celebrate the day itself and was happy to just spend the day asleep on the sofa after eating an average curry I’d made us, whilst I studied for my exams! I felt incredibly lonely as I watched ‘Love actually’, seeing how many people were simply just interacting with each other.  I felt so alone. My Dad didn’t, probably because he had no expectations of the day, having never ever celebrating it. They don’t even know it exists in Pakistan which is where he was born and grew up. But me, on the other hand, I was British born and of the Disney generation. My expectations for the holidays were high, especially as I’d just spent loads of time with my mates down the pub and at least having a meal with more than one other person at the table every year, up until then! I had grown up and the mild celebrations had long gone along with my childhood.
It’s not like we ever had decorated a tree, made decorations, ever went to any Christmas events…or had that may people round our house. We simply had to have the time off because it was a national holiday and just had a simple meal on the day. My Dad was a workaholic. So the lack of festivities inevitably turned me into a bit of a scrooge, especially because my blueprint for what the holiday season should involve, didn’t match the reality. Until a few years ago. I created a realistic idea for my specific British Muslim Pakistani lifestyle and decided to swap expectation for appreciation (as quoted by the amazing Tony Robbins).

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Getting more work as a freelancer has meant that I get invited to more than one Christmas do. And it’s never a fancy ball or special do. It’s usually a scramble to book somewhere ‘cheap and cheerful’ which has nice food and a place for those who wish to, do drink. I only end up going to just one or two. And the rest of my celebrations take place with family. 

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Having had a lot of work this year as a freelancer I managed to save a bit of money so decided to take my Mum out for dinner on her Birthday, as well as invite my cousin and auntie! I’m usually the only one who does presents every year in our family so instead decided to put most of it into an experience. With months of careful planning and saving I was able to create this memory that will stay with us forever. (Cue cliche emotional music – The Pakistani in me laps up the soppy sentimentality of that sentence and the Brit in me felt the strong need to add the sentence, afterwards!)
We all know that Christmas is about spending time with family not necessarily money bbut 

But since thinking differently about my lifestyle I could and wanted to show my appreciation the best way I knew how. This was the start of feeling festive this year…the build up so to speak…that can be anticlimactic but with some planning can create some happiness without breaking the bank.

We had Lasan all to ourselves!

Life is what we make it! (Again, insert cliche music here) So by trying to get into the festive spirit at this time of year, for someone like me, will certainly be worth it.

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And since I am feeling festive, for the first time ever, (maybe probably since Primary School) I’ve made Christmas decorations! Even though we don’t celebrate Christmas, choosing to create that festive atmosphere, with just a few bits if paper, youtube and a pair of scissors is another way of being grateful and showing my appreciation for the fortunate life I do have. 

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Not everyone has family which has made me really fortunate for mine, even if we don’t celebrate Christmas. Fortunate that I am born in this country – that I don’t have to endure inequality. Fortunate that I have family around me and fortunate that I have the ability to earn (and not just minimum wage!) This means that I can take my family out for dinner, go for that Christmas work meal with friends and put money towards food for the big day itself. I’m surrounded by loving people and it’s important I show my gratitude for that…and celebrate it!

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This time of year can be really lonely for some. The build up towards the big day can be exciting and exhilarating but for some the day itself can be a huge let down, especially when it’s spent alone. Being grateful for what is already in our lives is a great start to attracting more happiness.

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If there’s one thing that my family do know how to celebrate this national holiday though, it’s how to eat. It may not be the traditional turkey but being able to buy a mountain of veg, spiced leg of lamb and a spicy gravy to match! We’ve found our own traditions and I’m grateful for them, no matter how small they are.